What am I afraid of?

I am now very curious about programs like chatroulette. I downloaded an app for my ipad called Photoroulette and it’s pretty interesting. You take a picture and send it to a random person. A random person then sends you a picture. Earlier either it was a coincidence or the man received mine but I sent a picture of my feet resting on the couch. A few minutes later I received a picture from a random stranger and it was the same pose, which of course made me laugh. And this is when it became an experiment for me. I started to investigate the background of his apartment to figure out his lifestyle. From what I could tell he is single and probably a college student working as an intern. Creepy aren’t I. I wonder if he could tell I don’t wear socks often by the state of my feet….I am now on a mission to see what stories I can come up with.

Now the big question, why don’t I take a deep breath and check out chatroulette again? Because I don’t want to get skipped that’s why! These strangers judge you in an instant and the faster they hit skip the lower your score is in your head. Now I’ve done it before and didn’t have that issue and I spent the whole time laughing at the weirdos doing gross things on cam (by the way they don’t appreciate you laughing at them….). And why should I care if someone skips me, maybe redheads scare them, maybe their finger slipped, maybe they need a fork in the eye….who knows! My husband thinks it’s funny that I type in the web address to check it out and then start hyperventilating. I will chat on Facetime just fine, I can hang up on you there and flounce away. But on these other websites I am at their mercy, it brings back the days of Hot or Not. Why the hell would anyone submit their picture to that website anyways?!? “Here tell me I’m Hot because I claim I’m ugly though I know I’m not”. Now pair me up with someone and I suddenly grow a pair and I have a field day raising hell on there. I absolutely love pranking people and making others laugh. Man….get up Liz….you’re better than this!

And now that I have rambled on very little sleep (the vomit comet tore through our house at 1 am and our 4 year old hopped on for a ride) I have not had more than 2 hours of sleep. Every single towel was used in the house to clean up the pools of puke, I stepped in it, skated around in it, scrubbed it off our bedroom wall, tried to figure out how the banana was still white after being in his stomach all day, and I gave him a bath at 3 am. He was up the rest of the night and I had to get my 8 year old on the bus at 7:30. I am exhausted. Blah.

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A quick post…screw you Vermont

I just woke up. This was my reaction upon opening my eyes and seeing this on the first day of Spring.

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Bloody hell a mini snow storm?

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Waving my white flag here…..GIVE ME THE DAMN CAKE!

No wait better yet, I want a freaking cheeseburger with extra pickles, extra mustard, extra bacon with some rooster sauce and fried onions. That sounds amaaaazing right about now. I have one week left of phase 2 of this diet and I went and saw my doctor today for my check up. Her words as she entered the room “Um you are disappearing….”. So what, I was a size 26W in February and today I was wearing a size 16 skirt. It works and I’m not stopping. But so help me if I eat one more meal of lean ground beef and sauteed cabbage with brown mustard I just might rip someone’s eyeball out and eat that instead. I’m not limited to that but honestly it’s quick, easy and my family is repulsed about it so nobody is going to steal it. It has almost been 42 days of this, I have shrunk sizes in clothes and dropped pounds on the scale. Next week I enter phase 3 which is when I increase my calorie intake and can eat other foods for a few weeks. Then I can go into round 2 and start over to lose more weight or go into Life mode which is when I don’t diet but instead enter a healthy balance of eating clean like I am and indulging once in awhile. You better believe I’m going into round 2 and dropping more. I think I might need 1 or 2 more rounds and then I am at my goal weight. Today my vitamins arrived so I will no longer be dragging my butt out of bed in the morning and instead will be go go go go go like I usually am.

I miss eating out. I miss taking a plate of some gooey dessert when offered one. But I also don’t. I don’t miss the guilt and avoiding the mirror because I was ashamed of myself for giving in to the taunting of the frosting. I don’t even like chocolate, why the hell did I eat the damn cookie!!!!!! How did I get like this, I don’t eat a lot, hell I don’t even like junk food. Greasy food keeps me in the bathroom, high carb food pretty much puts me into a food coma and sugary food gives me a headache and then makes me want more and more and more. In fact do I even like to eat? Holy hell I don’t. What is wrong with me? I’m not human am I…..balls. Wait, I’m eating right now. I’m eating broiled red onions and asparagus with flank steak. Doused in spicy brown mustard. 4 oz of steak and a total of 4 oz of the veggies. Mmmmmmm. Maybe I am human.

Now weight loss does not come with it’s lack of emotional challenges. It’s not like everyday I feel more and more sexier and I trot like Donkey from Shrek in front of the mirror singing “I’m Sexy and I know It!”. Oh man I wish, and now I have an idea for my next shower moment…but I digress. I still see me as huge, enormous, chunktastic. I am the queen of Hellman’s Mayo in my eyes and that will not change for a long time. This has happened so fast that I am racing to catch up emotionally. There is no gradual adjustment period where I can slowly see the changes. I get on the scale and BOOM 3 pounds gone, 2 days later my pants are falling off. YAY! It’s amazing when I’ve been trying so hard to lose weight for the past 8 years and nothing has worked. However it is one major mind trip big time. There are times I feel incredibly insecure and I need to be reassured, but how do I ask for that? I mean the past 8 years my husband has told me I was beautiful and perfect the way I was. Obviously either he was fibbing or he needs new glasses because he’s telling me the same thing now. Well honey which is it? I can’t be both, I can’t be perfect and beautiful while obese and perfect and beautiful while becoming thin. WHICH IS IT!? WHY DO YOU LIE TO ME? It’s that tragic moment when you realize that for several years now people have been lying to your face when they told you that you looked pretty or ask if you lost weight when in reality you gained some. Don’t patronize me, I totally see what you were doing there, the fat was in my hips not between my ears love. Now I’m mad. I’m really mad, and pretty damn embarrassed. “Does this make my butt look big?”….instead of saying “no it doesn’t!” a very simple “honey your butt has it’s own gravitational pull” would have sufficed. I can take it!

So back to self esteem. Yesterday my husband gave me a blow that was a slap to the face. It was actually a misunderstanding caused by a stinky cat turd (thanks Tardis) but still I wanted to shrivel up and cry. Before he left for work yesterday afternoon I told him to wake me up when he got home at 3 am. He kind of stared at me trying to figure out why when I winked at him and then he understood what I meant and he winked back and did his manly strut out the door and said “ooooooh, well….I’ll see you boys tomorrow and my lovely wife I shall see you in the morning!” and off to work he went. When he got home he had an ice issue coming in and had to break the ice to get in the front door, ah lovely Vermont weather. He was about to take a shower when he realized our cat Tardis was in the cat box in the bathroom. Now when Tardis uses the box you do not want to go in the room after him, it’s that bad. So what does my husband do instead of just scooping the offending poop out of the box so he can take a shower? He sits down and plays Call of Duty in the living room until he thinks the poop smell has tamed down. Guess what wakes me up, that’s right, the sound of him smashing playstation controller buttons and cursing at the tv. What goes through my head at that moment? “He would rather play a video game than boink his wife….” I almost started to cry, but then I became angry. And then I became devious. Let’s just say I laid on such a thick guilt trip that he suffered through the Tardis stink bomb and came to bed. He explained to me today the deal and all I did was quirk an eyebrow and ask why he didn’t just scoop the poop. Now imagine how I felt, cat poop won over me. CAT CRAP BEAT ME!!!!!! CAT CRAP!!!!! WHAT THE EVER LIVING HELL!!!!! I need to be reassured people. My self esteem took a kick to the teeth. I vote I dump the contents of the litter box into his boots after filling his socks with Vaseline.

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Tis a review I write!

And I shall write it now! So last night I was laying in bed pondering what I should do, watch Netflix on my iPad or go to sleep. I chose Netflix of course. Besides it was only 9 pm and I wasn’t finished my knock out tea yet, therefore the fun had yet to begin. Perusing through the titles I came upon “The Deep Blue Sea”, no not the shark movie (which by the way only upset me when the bird was eaten). I read the description which basically went something like this “An older woman falls for a younger man blah blah blah”. I immediately thought “oooooh! British version of ‘Unfaithful’!!!!” so I picked it. Nope it was not. Next time I will read the synopsis better. Now this was not a bad movie, not at all, it just kind of took me by surprise and I snorted in my tea when the music started playing. All of a sudden I felt like I was in theater and I could actually smell the dusty heavy dark curtains on the stage and hear the creaks on the stage as we all scrambled to our places and the whispers backstage. Not bad memories at all and I become excited for a brief moment. Okay it had me, I admit it, it had me and I was sucked in. 

Then my jaw dropped, Rachel Weisz was in the movie!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEES! *cue scream into pillow*. Wait, SHE’S the older woman? She doesn’t look older! She doesn’t look older at all! Hell she looks MY age and I’m 32! So how old is the younger man….please tell me he’s going to be out of high school. Oh bloody hell it’s Tom Hiddleston. Come on really? THEY LOOK THE SAME DAMN AGE! Okay Liz just breathe, I can see why they picked him. He is a fantastic actor and he can put forth emotion and passion without going overboard. But he does NOT look like a freaking younger man. I was expecting a teenager if they had her as an older woman. Then it happened. The sex scene. I was not prepared for that and I almost rolled off our queen sized bed when it panned to them in bed…together….naked. And I do mean NAKED. Sweet. They were naked. Did I mention he was naked? Yeah he was totally naked too. I mean…there were sheets too….but they were on top of said sheets, so that doesn’t count as clothing right? Did I mention I’m 32 and have totally seen a naked man before? There is nothing wrong with appreciating the beauty that nature has created. STOP JUDGING ME! I am happily married, I have been for almost 10 years. Ten long, wonderful years. I love my husband very much. Those arms…..okay done now moving on.

So the movie gets to a part that has me absolutely furious with Tom’s character Freddie and I wanted to reach through the screen and rip his teeth out. I won’t say what it is because that is a spoiler but I seriously wanted to sic my rats on him. Cover him in meal worms and honey and let my rats go to town. Then he said a line that totally hit home and I almost cried. But here is where they lost me. Maybe it’s because my tea kicked in or because I’m a total nitwit (and was potentially still stunned by the bed scene…), but it took me until I was in the bathroom this morning to realize that the entire middle part was frelling flashbacks! I was so confused watching it that I thought I must have either fallen asleep and missed a big chunk or the Tardis had swept in and took everyone for a ride. I was so confused! Leave it to me to figure it out while peeing. All you hear from the bathroom at 6 am is “EUREKA! FLASHBACKS!”. I’m a genius. So now that I have given you that play by play, please do watch it. It’s great, just be patient and do NOT drink anything that makes you groggy.

And for something to make you laugh, my friend Alyssa can never figure out why her daughter loves it when I babysit her. Remember I have 2 sons so I’m pretty decent with kiddos. Her daughter is 5 and I have a blast with her. My sons are 4 and 8, it’s a pretty good mix. This morning when my oldest left for school on the bus my 4 year old wasn’t up yet and I was about to get him up for preschool when Gabby arrived to spend the day with me so Alyssa could go to an appointment. My husband was still sleeping since he arrived home from work at 3:30 am. It was around 7:49 am that we had our little adventure. I got her mom’s permission to upload and post this, don’t worry :) Behold our monster hunting adventure!!!!!! My husband had NO IDEA this was going on until I showed him and he shook his head and laughed. He has no idea what to do with me. Mystery solved as to why Gabby loves coming over.

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You can’t escape me babe…buahahahaha!

He actually compared me to Loki. I am not that bad. When will Mr. Mustard ever learn? So in honor of this I shall make a confessional of random crap I have done. I will include both stupid and devious deeds that were vengeful. Here we go, and this is by no means a complete list and you can judge for yourself.

~My ex had a bad habit of telling me he wasn’t hungry every single time I was about to cook supper or lunch, and then as soon as I would make myself something he’d run out to MacDonald’s. So one day he gave me attitude about me not making him a sandwich when I made myself one. I made him one immediately…..out of canned cat food and told him it was tuna fish.

~ The year for Halloween I cross dressed as a man and if I didn’t talk I was pretty convincing. One of my gay friends was not aware it was me and we dropped into his work, before we got a chance to explain it was me he was asking our mutual friend who I was and whispering I was hot……decent me would have immediately said something. Decent me was on vacation. Instead I played along and acted all coy and pretended I was shy and whispered in our friend’s ear which had her almost dying from laughter. I let the cat out of the bag when I sauntered up to him and asked if he liked my boobs. Hey I was 19 at the time, give me a break, and he had a really good laugh at the moment and high fived me for creating a pretty damn good stubble!

~My friend George and Rachael and I pranking the bathroom at the brand new Taco Bell…I won’t go into details but it involved the men’s bathroom and a tampon (it was clean but they didn’t know that).

~George, a dead squirrel me and a stick on the side of the road. He learned very quickly that if suddenly my side of the conversation goes quiet and we just passed something of interest it’s a good bet that I’m no longer next to you.

~George also learned that if I hit an animal with my car I will stop, even if I only suspect I hit said animal. I nailed a bird with my tire one day and I immediately pulled over to find it. I did find it and then I insisted we see if there was a nest nearby just in case there were babies that were now without a mother. I swear the scene on the side of the road must have been a riot. Him flailing his arms in frustration and me yelling that this world is a cruel place and that poor bird died at my hands.

~When I was pregnant with our son Gregory I had a nightmare about spiders, and there was a giant one in the bed. I woke up screaming and immediately jumped out of bed screaming. The first thing I did was grab our kitten Peanut. I didn’t wake up Mr. Mustard first to save him. He woke up from my screaming and flailing and leapt out of bed and started ripping it apart thinking there was indeed a huge spider in there from my reaction. Then he realized I had a nightmare and his concern turned to irritation and he said “sure….save the damn cat”.

~If you take something to make you “go” and it doesn’t work within two hours, do not by the Light of God take more. Just do not. And if you do, do NOT leave the house.

~I sleep at an angle, get used to it.

~Your pillow? It’s mine. Your blankets? Those are mine too. Your body heat…yup mine. Get ready to have your legs assaulted by my icy toes. Nope I don’t feel bad, in fact I giggle when you scream like a little girl when you feel my icy piggies of death.

~I once feigned a headache on a date and left. I went home and was typing on my computer when I heard a knock at my front door. It was late and the guy was really annoying me on our date. I mean he would NOT stop pawing at me and I just wanted to GO HOME so I said I wasn’t feeling well and I left. He showed up at my house. I only had the light of my monitor on so I figured he would think I went to bed when I realized it was him. He saw my monitor on but I didn’t think he saw me. He finally left. An hour later he messaged me and said that he saw me at my computer and I was a real jerk for ditching him, especially since he needed a ride home so my friend brought him home. Whoops…..There was no second date. Well keep your hands off dude!

Now to get into the things Mr. Mustard and I have done to each other as pranks…..ooooh boy. He once scared me so bad in college I almost fell out of a second story window in my dorm. I had a bruise that went down my side and down my hip from me leaping backwards over my bed. Did you know I can almost round house someone when they touch me from behind??? Yeah me neither! He took great pleasure in scaring the snot out of me in college. He would sneak back into my room when I’d go into the bathroom and I thought he had left. He’d either hide behind my door on my shoes or in my wardrobe. Then he’d walk behind me in the room or leap out at me. The time he hid in my wardrobe I opened the door, saw him, screamed and slammed the door shut again. When he followed me I felt someone behind me and each time I’d turn my head to look he’d dodge me. Then when I turned around to leave after getting my stuff to meet friends at the lounge he was just standing there with a shit eating grin and said “Hi”. I screamed, punched him and flew backwards over the bed and almost went out the window. He had a bloody nose and I had a nasty bruised hip. And I was going to through him out the window myself. I did scare him once myself….he saw me go in the room but when he went in he couldn’t find me. He looked everywhere but I was nowhere to be found. Finally he looked under the where we had it lofted somewhat. There I was hanging from the slat boards :D SURPRISED! Dropped on him :D Here’s the line, I jumped across it and now I’m dancing naked HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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The Ghosts in my Mind

We were hit last night by Winter Storm Vulcan, yes that is what they named it. I didn’t panic, I knew what to expect. When my husband called at 10:30 pm and said everyone else at work was leaving and that meant he had to as well I was worried because I had just heard that the plows had been pulled off the interstates up here. I warned him and he already knew, hence why everyone was bailing. It took him an hour and a half to drive home when it usually takes him about 45 minutes in the winter and 30 in the summer. When he walked into our room at midnight I had managed to doze off thanks to melatonin and hot tea, so he woke me up to say he was home safe and to tell me he couldn’t sleep. Okay…..so what does he do, he starts playing Call of Duty on the Playstation. Then he informs me that he couldn’t pull into the driveway so he is parked across the road at my dad’s house since his driveway was plowed. How much snow I asked, at least a foot so far he answered. I left the alarm on for 6 am even though I knew school was going to be cancelled for our oldest. For the rest of the evening I woke up sporadically to the sounds of grenades, gunfire and “SON OF A BITCH! I TOTALLY HAD A HEADSHOT!”…..At 4 am he crawled into bed and nudged me to move over. Hell no, I was in bed longer, I claimed 3/4 of that damn bed. You choose to game all night you lose any claim to that mattress.

Okay so the phone rang at 5:30 am and it was my son’s school robocalling to tell us that school was cancelled. I was fully expecting that and had the phone next to the bed. At 6 am I woke up with the alarm, got dressed and tip toed out the kitchen to take my meds, drink my vitamins and eat an apple before I went outside to snow blow. I did manage to take a few pictures which I will upload soon. This is when I made a grim discovery. The snow blower had decided to go on strike overnight. I panicked. I just got it working the night before!!!!! COME ON!!!!!! I had 2 feet of snow to get rid of!!! I spent 2 hours out there clearing out an ice jam, checking the gas, sticking my hand inside a very sharp and narrow hole, checking wires…you name it and it was FREEZING out…but it would not blow snow. At 8 am I admitted I needed help and walked inside and woke up the husband and said he needed to go get me oil at the store. He declared he was tired. I told him tough crap he was going to help me move snow. When he looked up he saw a very irritated red head staring down at him. He got up.

Time to skip ahead. I ended up spending over 4 hours out there working on the snow blower trying to get the auger to spin. The entire time I could feel my grandfather next to me laughing and probably saying a few choice words in his special way. His youngest granddaughter laying on a cardboard box on a slushy concrete garage floor working on HIS ancient snow blower. He must have been beaming with pride. I even caught myself talking to him a few times, like when I got crud under a nail and I stopped to scrape it out, I started to justify out loud “Hey now I’ve never had long nails before and I hate having dirt under them, it feels icky”. I had to look around to make sure nobody saw me talking to myself. I don’t know if I turned out how he expected, I just wish I had watched him do this more when I was younger. But somehow I just knew to pick up the wrench and where to start looking when it stopped working. The look on my husband’s face was priceless, he married a scientist, a singer and a dancer, not a mechanic. GOTCHA HONEY!

My grandmother and I on the other hand, we didn’t always get along. I always thought she hated me or thought I wasn’t good enough. I’m different now and oh boy was I different when I was younger. But it was even worse when I was a teenager and preteen. I thought she loved my sister more than me and that she thought I was a waste of time and space. I just couldn’t do anything right ever. But I understand that she was pushing me to try harder to fit into the world because I couldn’t make the world fit me. She didn’t want to see me fail or fall into the wrong crowd or become lost somehow. My differences make me stronger and they give me wings. I think Grammy began to see that because no matter how much she criticized me or made me mad I would still show up to paint her nails, or take her to the grocery store or test her blood sugar. And when it was her time to go I was there and the last thing she said to me was “Thank You”. I remember thinking “Thank you??? Thank you for WHAT?!?!?!??! For being your verbal punching bag for 23 years???? For taking all the bull crap for being accused of stuff day after day and no matter how much I insisted I was innocent I was NEVER believed….well YOU’RE WELCOME”. I didn’t say that of course, instead I gave her a hug and a kiss and held her hand through the night in shifts and watched her slip away. She died when I had run home to take a shower, my mom was with her when it happened and it was peaceful. I cried when she died, but I didn’t cry at her funeral. I was done by the time we laid her down in the ground next to Pop. I felt guilty, but I was still angry, I felt like she got the last laugh with that “Thank You”….seriously Grammy???? I’m 32 years old now and I am now raising my family in her house. She is in every single corner. It’s funny, it’s not the arguments we had that echo, it’s the theme from Keeping up Appearances and Grammy and Pop’s laughter at poor Richard’s plight with Hyacinth. It’s Grammy asking me what I want for a bedtime snack. And every so often when I open the sun porch door I catch a whiff of apple pie. When I give my youngest a bath in the same tub I took baths in I remember Grammy putting After Bath Splash on me and how much I loved that smell and the amazing blue and pink flannel night gowns she had for my sister and me. And the pink waffled blankets that were very warm. She said thank you because I stuck with it and didn’t walk away. Because I grew up and became a young woman. I now have 2 sons of my own and a husband, Thank YOU Grammy. I learned to think before I speak and act, I learned to be careful of whom I associate with, but above all, I have learned from the mistakes we all made along the way. Rest in peace grammy and pop, I love you and miss you and I promise to take really good care of this house.

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It’s so quiet….and cold.

We’re currently in the middle of a “severe winter storm”. I live in Vermont, I’m pretty much used to this. When I was a teenager we’d have ice storms that would knock out our power for weeks at a time. I am well versed in the practice of hauling water from the brooke to the water tank in the basement using buckets through several feet of snow in the dark using flashlights. There were four of us and my step-dad would break a hole through the ice to get to the water. This way we could at least store water to flush the toilet. So like I said, 15-25 inches of snow, not really that big of a deal and I’m not panicking about the amount of snow, just about my husband being out in it knowing how other people drive. By the way, four wheel drive does NOT prevent you from going off the road so stop driving like morons please.

There is something to love about blizzards though. It’s the silence. Nobody wants to really go out in one so the roads are pretty empty. The only sound you will hear are the plows going by every 15 or 20 minutes. That odd scraping of metal on ice and pavement. It’s reassuring in a way, I know that for that second that section of road is safe. And then I silently curse under my breath because all that crap is being pushed straight to the end of my driveway and freezing solid. Guess who gets to hammer through it in the morning, that’s right….ME. A great big wall of brown ice that will up to my knee or hip. But I digress. It is so quiet right now that every so often I can hear branches give way and let their loads of snow fall, it’s a muffled thud as it all hits the already existing snow mound under the trees. If you step outside you will hear that and then pretty much nothing else unless the wind kicks up, then you can hear the branches stir and more snow hitting mounds. I like to close my eyes and pretend that I am all alone for a brief moment, nobody else is near me and I am the only one for miles. Then the sound of a car reminds me I’m not exactly back in the middle of nowhere anymore.

For closing, here are some pictures I took from my front porch, the calm before the storm so to speak. Enjoy!

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The flowering crab in my front lawn

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I thought it was pretty….

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My veggie garden in the backyard needs Spring badly :(

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My dad bravely crossing the road to see if I need anything.

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More of my front lawn blanketed.

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I want to make a sign that says “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” for our drive way after storms.

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When this comes down by our front door it is going to shake the house. I can’t wait!

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Oh so blustery! Admire those roads!

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Where are we heading?

I almost didn’t post this. This happened on Sunday. I will be calling the corporate office tomorrow.

It takes a lot to get me riled up but today some people managed to do it. And they did it by their actions and their lack of actions.

I was at Rite Aid (a pharmacy for those who are unfamiliar with the store). I needed some Aveeno hand lotion to keep in my purse since the winter is being particularly brutal this year. I grabbed what I needed and headed to the register. There was one cashier on and it was a 16 or 17 year old girl from the looks of it. I had that job as well when I was that age, however apparently I was raised better.

A woman I had not seen in several years came in and she was obviously quite distraught. Her mascara was running down her face and she was crying. In her hand were some bills, a receipt and an unopened box of home perm kit. She stepped in front of me and I said her name, she turned to look at me and said “He’s calling me a liar!”. At this point I knew something wasn’t right with my old school friend and I asked her what was going on. She pointed towards the manager’s office and said he kept calling her a liar. Ooooookay. Now I’m really worried because she had just walked in and spoken to nobody. The woman checking out left and my friend walked up to the cashier and said she wanted to return the perm kit. She handed over her receipt and the girl cracked a grin and snickered a little. “It’s not on the receipt”. My friend then started to crack a little more and I began to walk forward to see if I could maybe calm her down a little because quite clearly something was not right here. I wasn’t going to leave her like that in that condition. No way no how and nobody was stepping forward to offer her assistance. The cashier called the manager and as he spoke with the girl he loudly began to speak about my friend in an unflattering manner a few feet away and the cashier started to giggle. At this point I am trying to keep my cool, I didn’t want to become angry and upset my friend even more. Plus I like to keep my temper even. He had her call another cashier to take care of those of us still waiting. When the other cashier came out the girl ran other and pointed out my friend and started laughing. Seriously? I checked out and kept an eye on my friend. She finally got her refund and walked back to the pharmacy.

Now at this point not one person has asked her if she is okay. I want you to understand the situation. There is a woman in her early 30′s standing there sobbing and visibly in distress and instead of trying to see if she needs medical assistance of some kind she is being either ignored or laughed at. And this isn’t a freaking city people!!!! It’s a small town!!! I’ve known her since I moved here in the 3rd grade! I followed her to the pharmacy because I knew something was wrong, all the signs were there and I couldn’t just walk away from someone who was clearly in distress. It WAS my problem. I came up behind her and gently said her name and touched her shoulder and asked if she was okay and she turned to me and said no and just started sobbing even harder. Then I heard what she needed refilled I knew what the problem was. Mental illness is an ugly thing, I know because I live with one. The pharmacist recognized her pain as well and treated her with sensitivity and and swiftness. I asked my friend if she wanted to sit and talk while she waited and she mentioned her two kids were waiting in the car. So I asked what kind of car and I said I would go out and wait with them while she grabbed her prescription. I went out and introduced myself and we shared some laughs and jokes and then they told me this…”Mom put on all that make up today because she said she felt ugly”…..my friend is NOT ugly. When my friend came out from getting her meds she was still in tears but she grabbed me in a hug and said thank you and told me she no longer has friends. Well that’s not true, she has one, she has me.

This is where I hit the ceiling. I called the manager to have a word with him when I got home. I was calm and collected. The moment I mentioned the situation I was calling about he immediately cut me off and started to raise his voice and justify their behavior towards this woman. I could not get a word in. When I tried to say something he suddenly said “dearie I have to go there was just an accident in front of my store” and then hung up. I began to cry and my husband just looked at me shocked at my reaction. It takes a lot to make me cry when it’s another person. I was furious and so hurt for this woman and how she was treated. He drove over there to see if there was indeed an accident and if there wasn’t he was going to inform the manager of who he was and that we would be contacting corporate. Well here is where the karma train hit. Apparently just as he was being nasty to me on the phone a Hoagies delivery truck drove through their store sign……I swear I had nothing to do with it! First you do not dismiss me or a customer like that. Second, I’m 32 years old, do NOT call me dearie, third, you reap what you sow buddy.

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Don’t need to be naked to earn my love

Has anyone else noticed the new trend with people posting pictures of themselves in their skivvies to prove a point about their weight? Now don’t get me wrong, as you know by now I am currently on a diet and doing quite well on it (despite the mysterious 1 lb weight gain last night…..), so I am by no means a pipe cleaner. But what the hell is the point of posting a picture of yourself on the internet in just your underwear and then follow it with a long column about how you were bullied for your weight growing up and you accept yourself for how you are and your weight and how you look. That is awesome I am so glad you do…..but do you need to post a picture of you in your underwear for the whole world to see to prove that point? And it’s not because of your size, it’s because I don’t need to see you in your underwear to get the point if you are a decent writer. I can relate to you in some manner since all of us have been bullied in some way at some point.

Then there are the before and after pictures people put up. The before shows them in a jeans and t-shirt holding their child at a family function, usually Christmas or a birthday party. The after picture they are suddenly wearing a bikini and high heels posing like a freaking swimsuit model. Seriously? We’ve been taking weekly progress pictures. In each one I’m wearing jeans and a shirt. Guess what I’ll be wearing in my final picture at the end. That’s right, jeans and a shirt. I’d like to be able to compare the before and after pictures and say “WOW!!!!!” and not have a total mind trip and be accused of photoshopping my face onto Gisele’s body thank you very much.

Why not keep it real? I’m your basic woman who takes it one day at a time with the whole year planned out in her head (hehehehehe). I drink a cup of tea every night when I get into bed, I have 2 cats, 2 hamsters and 6 rats. My husband and my 2 sons drive me batty but I’d be lost without them and I have a feeling the feeling is mutual. This house is full of love, chaos and every so often a mutiny arises. But we keep it real and we don’t need to fish for compliments to get one, they are handed out like candy, sometimes with a sprinkle of sarcasm. So people, please stop posting half naked photos to prove a point. You’re happy in your body, that is awesome! Stop letting the crappy people live rent free in your head and go live life!

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“Everyday is a gift be grateful!”….said no sane person ever.

Have you ever woken up and realized the moment your eyes broke through the morning crusties that it was going to be one of “those” days? I should have heeded the warning this morning. All the signs were there. The 1 am pee marathon, the midnight poop marathon dream that involved my 4 year old pooping all over my pillow in my nightmare, and then the 6:30 am waking to a silent house and me not saying “YAAAAAAY!”, but rather “What the ever blazes is that damn squealing noise???”. Mr. Mustard could hear it but discovered that covering his head with his pillow was effective at making the noise stop for him. I require oxygen, clean air to breathe so that wasn’t an option for me. And oh my gosh I just heard it again, I kid you not. Time to get out my rock salt loaded shot gun and go ghostie hunting. If I don’t return be sure to leave a comment that tells Mr. Mustard that I went on a hunting trip and I haven’t been back in awhile. Nevermind, it was the hamster wheel. Phew disaster averted.

Anyways, I finally managed to crawl out of bed and do a happy weigh in to see I am down another pound, that’s right baby!!!! And that is when all hell broke loose. That’s right folks, my kids woke up. My kids don’t wake up slowly and gradually. Nooooo they pop up out of bed like they were never asleep to begin with and are now leaping out because they have heard a foot step down on the floor boards. I am in the kitchen and I hear the voices and then I hear the door open and inside my head I whisper “here they come…..”. And they do come, and as soon as they round the corner and see me in the kitchen frozen in place I hear “I WANT LUNCH!”…..dude, it’s like 7 am, what happened to breakfast? Then I hear from my 4 year old “I wanna snaaaaaaack”…..this is followed by “When can I play Minecraft? I want to play Portal 2″…I take a deep breath and say as lovingly as I can “go in the living room and be quiet”. I prepared their breakfasts and got them to sit at the dining table and as I put the cereal bowl with cereal and bananas in front of them my 4 year old declares “EWWWW I HATE BANANAS! THEY ARE GROSS!!!”…at this point he almost wore the damn bowl. This is the kid who ate 3 lbs of bananas a few weeks earlier in 2 days. “Eat the bananas”…..he ate the bananas.

Later in the day they were given the small task of cleaning their room. They share a room so it’s not a big job to do for the both of them. Do you know what my 4 year old said to me when I told them to clean their room? “Mom, you are frustwating me.”. We were at Walmart a few weeks ago and they have a Dunkin’ Donuts in there. They had just eaten lunch at home before we went. We said NO DONUTS in the car and again when they asked as we walked in. So all through the store our 4 year old was pitching a fit because he wanted a donut. He then really started to lay it on thick and I got a window into the hell my mother went through with me when I was that age. He started yelling he was going to die of hunger in 10 minutes. When that didn’t work he proceeded to say he would starve without food. One woman gave my husband the look of death. Another man gave me a dirty look and I said “What? He can survive 3 weeks without food, he has 2 to go”…..I was surprised DCYF wasn’t outside waiting for us when we checked out.

By the end of my night tonight my head is pounding, I am really irritated, I’m trying to figure out where the pee smell is originating from, I have a torn apart living room to reassemble, dishes to do, laundry to put away, floors to sweep, and no their room never did get cleaned up. This is how I look at the end of the week…this is our end of the week because tomorrow is the start if Mr. Mustard’s weekend. And my oldest just got out of bed to tell me this “Mom I just discovered something. I’m 8 years old. And there are 8 planets in the solar system. I’m basically the same as the solar system…”. O_o

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