Have you ever woken up and realized the moment your eyes broke through the morning crusties that it was going to be one of “those” days? I should have heeded the warning this morning. All the signs were there. The 1 am pee marathon, the midnight poop marathon dream that involved my 4 year old pooping all over my pillow in my nightmare, and then the 6:30 am waking to a silent house and me not saying “YAAAAAAY!”, but rather “What the ever blazes is that damn squealing noise???”. Mr. Mustard could hear it but discovered that covering his head with his pillow was effective at making the noise stop for him. I require oxygen, clean air to breathe so that wasn’t an option for me. And oh my gosh I just heard it again, I kid you not. Time to get out my rock salt loaded shot gun and go ghostie hunting. If I don’t return be sure to leave a comment that tells Mr. Mustard that I went on a hunting trip and I haven’t been back in awhile. Nevermind, it was the hamster wheel. Phew disaster averted.
Anyways, I finally managed to crawl out of bed and do a happy weigh in to see I am down another pound, that’s right baby!!!! And that is when all hell broke loose. That’s right folks, my kids woke up. My kids don’t wake up slowly and gradually. Nooooo they pop up out of bed like they were never asleep to begin with and are now leaping out because they have heard a foot step down on the floor boards. I am in the kitchen and I hear the voices and then I hear the door open and inside my head I whisper “here they come…..”. And they do come, and as soon as they round the corner and see me in the kitchen frozen in place I hear “I WANT LUNCH!”…..dude, it’s like 7 am, what happened to breakfast? Then I hear from my 4 year old “I wanna snaaaaaaack”…..this is followed by “When can I play Minecraft? I want to play Portal 2″…I take a deep breath and say as lovingly as I can “go in the living room and be quiet”. I prepared their breakfasts and got them to sit at the dining table and as I put the cereal bowl with cereal and bananas in front of them my 4 year old declares “EWWWW I HATE BANANAS! THEY ARE GROSS!!!”…at this point he almost wore the damn bowl. This is the kid who ate 3 lbs of bananas a few weeks earlier in 2 days. “Eat the bananas”…..he ate the bananas.
Later in the day they were given the small task of cleaning their room. They share a room so it’s not a big job to do for the both of them. Do you know what my 4 year old said to me when I told them to clean their room? “Mom, you are frustwating me.”. We were at Walmart a few weeks ago and they have a Dunkin’ Donuts in there. They had just eaten lunch at home before we went. We said NO DONUTS in the car and again when they asked as we walked in. So all through the store our 4 year old was pitching a fit because he wanted a donut. He then really started to lay it on thick and I got a window into the hell my mother went through with me when I was that age. He started yelling he was going to die of hunger in 10 minutes. When that didn’t work he proceeded to say he would starve without food. One woman gave my husband the look of death. Another man gave me a dirty look and I said “What? He can survive 3 weeks without food, he has 2 to go”…..I was surprised DCYF wasn’t outside waiting for us when we checked out.
By the end of my night tonight my head is pounding, I am really irritated, I’m trying to figure out where the pee smell is originating from, I have a torn apart living room to reassemble, dishes to do, laundry to put away, floors to sweep, and no their room never did get cleaned up. This is how I look at the end of the week…this is our end of the week because tomorrow is the start if Mr. Mustard’s weekend. And my oldest just got out of bed to tell me this “Mom I just discovered something. I’m 8 years old. And there are 8 planets in the solar system. I’m basically the same as the solar system…”.